Embracing Dual Identities: The Fight Against Policing Women's Sexuality in Professional Spaces

There’s a current trend on TikTok and Instagram that highlights a significant issue many women face in professional environments. These videos start with individuals' professional headshots labeled with phrases like "who they think they're emailing," followed by clips of these same individuals living their true, authentic selves—having fun, being silly, partying with friends. Many of these videos are created by racialized women and women in general, who use the trend to discuss the difficulty of being perceived as professional while also being silly, sexual, fun, outgoing, and sometimes provocative in their private lives. This trend underscores a crucial point: women have dual identities and should be able to embrace all aspects of themselves while still maintaining a professional attitude within workspaces, regardless of their field of work.

In the intricate dance of societal norms, women constantly find themselves navigating a tightrope of expectations and judgments. Among these, the policing of women's sexuality stands out as a pervasive and insidious force. For Black women, the intersection of race and gender creates an even more complex landscape, where embracing one's sexuality often clashes with being perceived as professional.

The Double Bind: Sexuality and Professionalism

From an early age, women are socialized to understand that their value in professional settings is often contingent upon conforming to certain behavioral norms. These norms, steeped in patriarchal and puritanical values, dictate that women must present themselves in ways that are "polite," "modest," and "virginistic" to be taken seriously. Any deviation from this narrow standard—whether in dress, demeanor, or speech—can lead to being labeled as unprofessional.

For Black women, this issue is further compounded by racial stereotypes that hypersexualize Black bodies. This dual scrutiny means that Black women must navigate an even narrower path to be seen as respectable professionals. The legacy of these stereotypes, rooted in slavery and perpetuated through media, reinforces the notion that Black women are inherently more sexual and less suited for professional roles unless they significantly downplay their sexuality.

The Cost of Conformity

The pressure to conform to these restrictive norms comes at a significant cost. It forces women to suppress vital aspects of their identity and humanity. For Black women, this often means adopting hairstyles, clothing, and behaviors that feel inauthentic but are deemed necessary to avoid negative scrutiny. This constant self-monitoring leads to emotional exhaustion and can detract from their overall performance and well-being.

Moreover, this policing of sexuality is not just about individual behavior but extends to institutional practices. Dress codes, performance reviews, and workplace cultures often reflect and reinforce these biased expectations. Women who challenge these norms, whether intentionally or inadvertently, risk being marginalized or penalized, further entrenching the status quo.

The Myth of Professionalism

At the heart of this issue is a flawed understanding of professionalism. The notion that one must be "polite" and "virginistic" to be respected is a relic of outdated moral codes that have no place in a diverse and equitable society. Professionalism should be about competence, integrity, and the ability to contribute meaningfully to one's field—not about conforming to narrow and exclusionary standards.

Additionally, what women choose to do in their personal lives should not impact their professional reputation if it does not directly correlate to their job performance. Personal choices and behaviors that have no bearing on one’s professional responsibilities or capabilities should remain private matters. Women, like all individuals, deserve the right to live authentically and make personal decisions without fear of professional repercussions.

#### Moving Forward: Embracing Authenticity

To truly embrace diversity and inclusion, we must dismantle these harmful norms. This requires challenging our own biases, advocating for more inclusive policies, and creating spaces where all women can bring their full selves to work without fear of judgment or reprisal.

As we work towards more inclusive workplaces, it is essential to recognize and validate the diverse expressions of identity and sexuality among women. This means supporting policies that respect personal choice and autonomy, such as flexible dress codes and anti-discrimination measures. It also means fostering a culture of respect and allyship, where colleagues actively challenge stereotypes and advocate for one another.

For Black women, embracing authenticity in professional settings is a revolutionary act. It is a declaration that they will not be confined by narrow definitions of respectability, but will instead bring their full selves—hair, style, and sexuality included—into the professional sphere. This authenticity not only enriches the workplace but also paves the way for future generations of women to thrive without compromising their identity.

In conclusion, the policing of women's sexuality is a pervasive issue that undermines both personal and professional development. By challenging these norms and embracing a more inclusive understanding of professionalism, we can create workplaces where all women, particularly Black women, can be valued for who they are, not just for how well they conform to outdated standards. It is time to break free from the confines of politeness and virginity and to celebrate the rich, diverse, and authentic selves that women bring to the professional world.